


Three Things That Never Happened to Severus Snape During His Summers on the Hogwarts Faculty

by November Snowflake (novembersnow)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humor, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-25
Updated: 2012-04-25
Packaged: 2017-11-04 06:57:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/391042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/novembersnow/pseuds/November%20Snowflake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hey, even Severus Snape gets a summer holiday. Sometimes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three Things That Never Happened to Severus Snape During His Summers on the Hogwarts Faculty

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted November 1, 2006.
> 
> This was meant to be a 5 Things fic. Yet it clearly isn't.
> 
> For the (very) few who ever asked why I don't write Snapefic...well, here's your answer.

**I. 1981**

The ghosts began spreading the word within hours of the students' departure on the Hogwarts Express. 

"Limbo contest tonight in Minerva's rooms!"

To the surprise of few, Filius Flitwick won handily, although the Headmaster put in a surprisingly strong second-place showing.

"Who knew Albus was so _limber_?" Minerva remarked afterward.

Severus only smirked.

 

**II. 1983**

Madam,

Be advised that this missive will constitute the whole of my communication to you on this matter. I command you to cease at once the attentions that prompt me to write the words contained herein.

Point the first: I have not, nor will I ever, behave in such a way as to encourage your amorous feelings toward myself. If your tea leaves are, in fact, telling you that I long to sweep you away to a land of sweet ecstasy, I suggest you invest in another variety of tea leaves.

Point the second: No, I most assuredly do not want to "check out your orbs."

Point the third: I want no truck whatsoever with your "Inner Eye," particularly not if it is "moist and open" for me, as you claim.

This warning will not be repeated. Be assured, if I find any more incense-scented notes in my rooms or, worse, yourself in a less than fully clothed state in any of the places I frequent, I will not hesitate to inform the Headmaster of your transgressions against my person.

_S. Snape_

 

**III. 1995**

"Headmaster, I've been thinking."

A chuckle. "When are you not, Severus?"

"It's about the Potter brat."

"Ah, yes. What are your thoughts on him?"

"I realize, of course, that you have reasons for sending the boy to spend summers with his Muggle relatives."

A sigh. "Yes. Regrettable, but…"

"Might there not be another option to pursue, especially in light of recent events?"

"Such as?"

"A magical bonding, for instance."

"Like…marriage?"

"For one example."

"To whom, though? The boy is not yet 15, after all."

"Well, to someone older, obviously, and more powerful…"

"If you're suggesting what I think you're suggesting—"

Modestly, "Well, it _does_ seem the obvious choice."

"But, Severus, you know my heart still belongs to Horace."

"Hor—no, Albus, I meant _me_."

"You?" Blinking. "But you hate the boy."

"Hate is a strong word."

"Just last week you told me you'd never slept so well as you did knowing you'd be able to enjoy a Potter-free two months."

"You know what they say—there's a fine line…"

"Are you telling me you're in love with the boy?"

"Well, no. But perhaps I could be. Someday. In the distant future."

"Are you…attracted…to Harry?"

"If you think I'm doing this because I want to have sexual relations with a teenager—"

"Well, I must say, I'm not sure what to think."

"I can assure you I've not been plotting ways to molest the bloody Boy Who Lived."

"Then what prompted this change of heart?"

"The fate of our world hangs in the balance. We all must make sacrifices."

"Severus, does this have anything to do with what I told you about Sirius residing at number 12, Grimmauld Place this summer?"

"Really, now, Headmaster, would I—"

"I cannot let you use Harry as a pawn to get back at your old schoolboy rival."

"Schoolboy rival! The man tried to _kill_ me!"

"Be that as it may, I will not let you marry his underage godson just to exact some sort or belated revenge."

A growl. "Oh, very well. But don't blame me when that mongrel and I come to blows the first time we clap eyes on one another."

Eyes twinkle. "You know, Severus, there's a fine line—"

"Albus?"

"Yes?"

"Shut up."


End file.
